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In the digital age, one of the most tempting things to do when you are in a relationship with someone you can’t trust, is to check out his/her text messages to see if they’re having an affair. Essentially, the smartphone has made us a little too smart for our own good, and according to Michelle Kimball of Divorce360, it’s a piece of knowledge that can hurt our case when the divorce papers are filed.

“In my line of work,” Kimball writes, “the most common question I get from readers is advice on how to get access to text messages. Trying to get them out of someone else’s phone without their knowledge is a risky idea. First of all, depending on your state, it can be illegal. Secondly, if you ever want to use those text messages as part of a court proceeding, like evidence during a divorce, snooping into a spouse’s cell phone can make that information inadmissible.”

Another reason why you may want to stay away from the text messages on your spouse’s phone is that it can become all-consuming. Instead of living your life, you’re constantly obsessed with that telltale buzzing (or ding) notifying him/her that they have a message. Who is it? What are they saying? Am I being made a fool of? Obsession doesn’t look good on anyone, and it makes you feel bad about yourself.

Still, sometimes your spouse is bad at hiding it, and they do things you have a right to be suspicious about, which can play out through texting. But here are two things you have to remember to exercise self-control.

1. If your spouse is cheating, he’s not playing you for a fool. He is the fool. 

The adult thing to do when you fall out of love with someone is to end the relationship. It’s not to carry on two relationships at once because you’re too much of a coward to address the issue. So stop beating yourself up because of THEIR mistake.

2. If your spouse is cheating, there’s nothing you can do to stop it from happening.

Again, the affair is a character flaw on your spouse’s part, not your own. Nothing you can do will make them stop. If they want to stop, it’ll be because of something inside themselves; not any kind of text message monitoring or 1984 situation you can create at home.

So be careful when treading through your spouse’s text messages. As Kimball notes, it COULD be illegal, and it’ll make you crazy. Live your life, and the truth will out.


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