Here at iDivorceForms (IDF), we’re often asked what the one question is that needs an answer before deciding to move forward with the divorce papers. While it’s difficult to boil down such a momentous decision to one question — after all, there are factors like post-divorce life, emotions, and finances to consider — we believe that the most important is likely the first one that you will ask yourself:
Have I done everything in my power to save the marriage?
This question is especially important if you find yourself “on the fence.” Uncertainty means that you may still harbor feelings for your spouse, and when you do, those can be difficult to let go of without a fight. Cheryl and Joe Dillon with Huffington Post recently shared their thoughts on this subject in a co-written piece. Here’s what they had to say:
Perhaps the single most important factor in deciding should you get a divorce is whether or not you’ve tried your very best to resolve things first.
This means many things to many people.
For some, it could be reading self-help books, for others it could be attending either couples and/or individual counseling sessions. Regardless of the method, you owe it to your marriage — especially if there are children involved — to make every effort to educate yourself and find out if there’s still work that can be done on the marriage.
If you can honestly say that you have made every effort to save your marriage and you still feel as though there is no hope of reconciling, chances are you may be ready to move forward with divorce.
The Dillons’ take is correct, but we’d like to add one thing about this.
Couples considering the divorce forms go through many storms together. Often those storms are enough to do irreparable damage — we’re thinking infidelity here — and when you have confidantes outside the marriage, they can be hard to contain.
While you should definitely listen to what your friends and family have to say — especially if you’re soliciting advice — don’t lose sight of the fact that the situation’s resolution ultimately rests with you and your spouse.
If a family member strongly urges you not to work on your marriage because of a situation like adultery, but you feel like counseling is the right thing to do, trust your instincts. If it’s not worth it, you’ll know soon enough, but you don’t want to let pride lead you immediately to divorce if it’s your desire to still work on things.
If you and your spouse are considering uncontested divorce, we can guide you through the process today in less than an hour. Best of luck, whatever you decide!
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