Arguing for happiness? The idea seems contradictory, but most relationships thrive on healthy conflict resolution perhaps more than any other quality. That’s because you will get in to arguments the longer you’re together; there’s just no avoiding it. Being able to work through that is what will strengthen your relationship and equip it for survival instead of divorce papers. Here are some things to keep in mind when it comes to conflict if you want to be happy.
1. Don’t fight over the small stuff.
Fighting over core beliefs? Understandable. Fighting over which way you place the toilet paper on the roll? Not so much. In any relationship, there will be a number of things you do differently — beliefs for which you don’t always see eye-to-eye on. You have to learn which issues are worth letting go and which ones require you to dig in your heels and fight. Before resorting to argument mode, weigh what you can potentially gain as a couple by pursuing the discussion and what you could stand to lose.
2. Don’t run from the important issues.
Some couples fight about everything and others avoid arguing at all costs. Neither camp is the healthy one to be in. If there are important issues that need to be addressed, don’t run from them because you’re afraid of losing your cool or getting in to a heated argument. The more you let go of the important things, the further you’ll drift as a couple. But only you know what the important issues are because only you know what you believe and what you’re unwilling to tolerate.
3. Know your partner’s triggers.
If you know certain things rile up your partner, don’t use those triggers to drum up a fight. Unfortunately, far too many people in committed relationships do this sort of thing. Maybe they want to see a more passionate side of their partner. Maybe they just enjoy drama. Either way it’s toxic to a relationship.
4. Don’t look for concession.
“Winning” an argument with your spouse or partner should never be your central priority. Don’t look to defeat them or else you could run the risk of building resentment in your partner or, worse, you could cause said partner to lose their individual identity. It should be about resolution; not conquest.
What were some of the healthier ways that you settled a conflict? Sound off in the comments section.
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