Ending a marriage — even through a low-conflict uncontested divorce — is never easy. There are always going to be regrets, fears, sadness, and other emotions that you perceive at the time as negative when in reality they aid you in becoming a stronger person (if you let them). That’s why it is important ahead of time to know some of the most difficult feelings that you will encounter. What follows are examples of these realities.
1. You are going to feel a little empty.
When the divorce papers are first finalized, it’s impossible not to feel a little empty or uncertain or scared. After all, you’ve been in a marriage for X number of years. (Oh yes, the longer you were married, the harder it is.) It’s important to know that the reason you’re feeling a void is because you don’t know what’s supposed to happen next. You are decoupling yourself from the relationship, and it takes time to get to the new normal.
2. You will feel like a failure.
These feelings of failure occur because you stood up in front of loved ones and perhaps your God, and you said “till death do us part.” That’s a bold claim, especially since you’re standing here going back on that promise. Just remember: marriages can fail, but that does not mean the people who were in them failed. The inability to make it work is not a testament to whom you are as a person.
3. You will make mistakes.
After the divorce forms are final, you have time and freedom to live the kind of life you want for yourself, but inevitably, you will make mistakes. You’ll date someone just like your spouse. You’ll find yourself jumping in to things too soon in the spirit of experimentation. You may even let a cross word slip about your ex in front of the kids. Mistakes are natural. Mistakes are inevitable. However, it’s up to you what to do about it once they’re out there.
As you consider filing for a divorce, don’t let fear keep you from doing what is right. Move forward into the new unknown and make a life for yourself.
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