In the world of basketball, getting a rebound is considered a good thing. However, things are quite different when you apply that word to relationships. When it comes to dating, especially post-divorce dating, you never want to be the rebound.
Even if a man or woman is coming out of an uncontested divorce with little trauma or conflict, they’re still in rebound mode, so you must be very careful about getting involved with them.
Just why is it such a bad idea?
People who’ve just left a marriage after a number of years usually do so for a few reasons. They want a fling, they want to experiment, or they’re trying to replace the pain.
If you’re hoping to get married, you don’t want to be the first person they date after the divorce papers are final because all of these scenarios are destined not to end well.
If you’re a fling, that doesn’t speak well for long-term possibilities. If you’re an experiment, being “the one” isn’t the first thing on his or her mind; figuring out the next move is. If you’re just a replacement, then he or she clearly doesn’t see you for you. And if they don’t see it, they’re not going to like you for you either.
So how do you avoid being the rebound?
For starters, you have to accept where a person is emotionally, and realize that you’re not going to whip them into shape. They have to be ready for the relationship for there to be any hope of having a successful one. That could mean that you’re better off walking away. Remember: just because you’re open to being vulnerable, that doesn’t mean the other person will be.
Secondly, be a friend, not a friend with benefits. People who’ve just gone through the divorce forms need time to figure things out, and their first relationship after the divorce will almost always fail. If you really like the person, realize that you stand a better chance with them if you swear off the relationship aspects, get okay with the idea of being “just a friend,” and don’t forget to live your own life in the process. Be at peace with the fact it may never happen.
In Summary
No one wants to be the rebound. If you’re uncertain whether dating a divorced person is a good idea, pay particularly close attention to where they are emotionally and how many dates they’ve had since the papers were finalized. Keep your guard up, and tread lightly.
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