In a recent article for Huffington Post, Michele Weiner-Davis touched off a firestorm over her statement that divorce was “no solution” to infidelity. Many commenters felt that Weiner-Davis, herself an author and relationship expert at DivorceBusting.com, was making excuses for people, who cheat, and dispensing the blame to the victim of an affair. A thorough read-through of the article does show the author putting a lot of the effort on the “betrayed spouse” in order to save the marriage when, many believe, it isn’t their fault they were victimized. This caused comments like the following:
“Sounds like someone got caught cheating and thought that they’d make a few bucks writing an article with all of the lame s**t they told their partner after they got caught.”
“Not sure that one can actually ‘heal’ or even forgive. You can’t make yourself do these things. You can’t will forgiveness. A new friend told me about his ex-wife’s infidelity and there was practically smoke coming out of his ears. Still so angry and hurt. Thought it happened recently. Found out it was 25 years ago! He hasn’t had a successful relationship since. Another thing to consider: the betrayed person is damaged by this. Not only PTSD but the loss of the ability to trust period.”
“Thank god most comments here state pretty much how I feel. This article sounds like someone is kidding herself. Yes, while forgiveness is essential when betrayal enters a relationship/marriage, it’s more like forgiving yourself for ever believing a cheater. People don’t accidentally fall into bed with each other; these things have planning. Any kind of intimacy outside a committed relationship takes effort, deception takes organizational skills. What I’ve found out, pretty consistently, is that a cheat and liar will cheat and lie about many things, not just infidelity, and if you find out about one affair, you could probably find out about others. The spouse not cheating, not lying, should not have to carry the burden of fixing anything, for any mount of time. Looking back at the time you’ve wasted with a broken, insecure, unstable person is time you can never recover.”
What do you think, readers? We’ve linked the full article above. Check it out, then let us know what you think. Is this writer trying to shift the blame for an affair onto the back of the betrayed? And do betrayed spouses bear any responsibility for the affair? Sound off in the comments section below.
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