So, the divorce papers have been signed, and you’re officially on your own. What comes next? For many, it’s not an easy road to hold. At least, not at first. There is a period of adjustment that follows separation from your spouse that will test you beyond the division of assets.
Huffington Post recently asked readers to weigh in on the hardest things to get used to pertaining to life after divorce, generating a number of responses from relief and happiness to sadness and despair. Some of the comments included, “Knowing how quickly I was replaced,” “Not having someone to talk to at home, to laugh with, to kiss when I walked in the door,” and “Not having to rush home and answer for my time.” Each person takes something different out of the breakup of a marriage. Here are the five toughest things most likely to come next in the evolution towards recovery.
1. Assuming more responsibility.
The first time you iron your own shirts, do your own laundry, or take a trip to the grocery store, you are likely to be reminded of the things that your ex used to do that are now your responsibility. Those are just examples. It could be anything. It’s not easy to take on more work, but what’s worse is the emotional bruising that comes with each task, reminding you the other person is no longer around to live life with you.
2. Watching your ex-spouse move on without you.
There is nothing fun about watching your ex, someone you’re possibly still in love with, go on that first date with someone else. Watching your ex move on with life and find fulfillment without you can be a blow to your self-confidence and worth. However, it’s important to remember, this is your chance to move on as well and discover (or re-discover) parts of yourself you didn’t think existed.
3. Sharing custody.
Signing the divorce papers is much easier to do when no children are involved. However, the moment you bring kids into the mix, that means you’ll have some connection to the ex for the rest of your life. That’s particularly difficult when the divorce doesn’t go smoothly and there is a degree of animosity and ill-will still at play.
4. Fighting the urge to reconcile.
Sometimes couples that should be divorced make the mistake of back-sliding into a damaging relationship that is destined to fail for the same reasons that caused separation in the first place. These couples usually do so out of vulnerability and loneliness. While reconciliation is not impossible, it is improbable, and it can keep you latched on to one another for a longer period of time, making the eventual split even more painful.
5. Dating again.
The first person you date after your divorce papers are finalized is probably not the best one to commit to. Dating again after your marriage goes south is difficult because you go through periods where you compare each new person to your ex, for better or worse. And that’s not fair to anyone. It takes time to work through it. Unfortunately, much of that time is spent through trial and error.
What was the hardest thing you had to deal with after the divorce forms were finalized?
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