Rochelle Nelson in a recent article for Huffington Post detailed how easy it actually is to be a good parent. While you can debate the merits of that statement all you want, she makes one excellent point that every parent who’s been through the divorce forms needs to hear. In a phrase, remember that YOU ARE THE PARENT.
Nelson writes:
“Children have lots of friends who tell them what they want to hear. They don’t need you to be another friend — and you shouldn’t be! They need you to be an authority figure who lets them know where the boundaries of acceptable behavior are. Trying to be your child’s friend will only undermine your authority as a parent and come back to bite you. Children model behavior they witness. If you make good decisions, they’ll learn to make them, too.”
Why should every parent who’s been through divorce papers hear this advice?
One: Kids Will Test You.
You think you hate divorce? Kids hate it ten times more. You and your spouse choose to end it — especially in an uncontested divorce — because you both want stability. But by ending it, you are stripping away theirs, at least temporarily until a new normal can be reached. As a result you can expect some “acting out,” where they try to play one of you against the other. If you take this as a cue to “ingratiate” yourself to the child by giving them what they want in response, you’re definitely undermining your authority and the other parent’s, and that’s DEFINITELY wrong for your child.
Two: Kids Need Guidance.
Friends do not offer guidance. They offer a “partner-in-crime” or a “running buddy.” These aren’t the people your children should be using as a template for adulthood. They should be using you and the other parent. When you try to be “the friend,” you’re giving them permission not to grow up, and that won’t prepare them for life or teach them the right way to act around other people, and it certainly won’t make them respect authority. All of this adds up to being a simple recipe for disaster.
For a look at the full article, check it out here. Do you think being your child’s friend first/parent second is dangerous?
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