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Divorced with Kids, and Dating

Divorced with Kids, and DatingAs a divorcee you can take a big, long sigh of relief that Valentine’s Day is finally over. No matter if you spent Valentine’s Day in your own glorious company, or in the company of another, there is always a certain level of pressure and expectation on Valentine’s Day.

Well, this blog is not going to indulge in pitiful wallowing today (maybe some other time, though). Love is an energy force pin balling around the world 24/7, so the trick is harnessing it in a positive, healthy way. This can be especially difficult for divorcees who also have the title of “mommy” or “daddy.” How on earth do you take a second stab at love (which hopefully won’t as violent as the word “stab”) without totally ruining your children’s emotional state? There are a few ways to do this, so don’t you fret.

Am I Ready?

Firstly, you have to decide if you are ready to date. Even if your divorce was a blessing, you might not be ready to jump into the dating realm. Think about it: You have children, you have been divorced, you have been married for however long, and you are probably hurting in some way or other. So after a divorce, don’t fool yourself into thinking the next step is to starting find Mr. or Mrs. Right right away.

The next step is to focus on yourself and your children. Take time to make sure the children are settling into this new phase of life without irreparable damage to their psyches. Then take time to repair your own wounds and take some time to reflect. What about your last relationship didn’t work? How did you contribute to and respond to the relationship’s issues? What do you want to change about how you handle relationships? What kind of partner/relationship do you want? These questions can leave a person reeling for decades, and there is no way a person fresh out of a divorce has a firm answer to all of those questions.

Do Children and Dating Really Go Together?

Once you have found your peace with the divorce, your new life after the divorce, and the answers to those questions, you may feel ready to start looking around the dating market. Dating with children is complicated primarily because the parent feels like they are being selfish, and like they are somehow betraying the child’s trust. If this is how you feel, ask yourself: Are you a better parent when you are happy? Does dating inhibit your parenting skills and love for your children?

If your answer is yes to any of these questions, you might need to repeat the self-discovery step we talked about in the previous section. After you allow time to determine if you are ready to get back in the dating game, the real work begins. When you actually begin to date, you must consider the way you will navigate dating and being a parent. However, for that topic we will need a little more time. Follow us again next week to discover how to balance parenthood and dating.


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