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So you were able to go the uncontested divorce route and get out of the marriage relatively unscathed, physically or emotionally. You’re on the road to recovery, and soon you’ll be ready to date again. It’s a great place to be in the healing process, but be careful that you don’t make the same mistakes that led to or contributed to your divorce. In particular, be leery of the phrase, “He/she is my type.” You’re in uncharted territory with the divorce forms final, and this is the moment where you should be abandoning such notions of “type” and exploring possibilities. Here are some ways that you can get rid of your dating type.

1. Make a list.

It may seem corny, cliche, and a little weird, but when you’re in the privacy of your home, no one will know. Sit down with a pen and paper in hand, and be honest with yourself. Ask yourself what it was that drew you to your ex (or exes if there’s a pattern). Do the same with what you didn’t like about them. Be honest about your own role in such relationships as well. After all, we react differently with different people, and it could be that someone brings out the worst in you. If you notice that in your past relationships, write it down. This is an exercise to learn about trends, patterns, and mistakes.

2. Answer this question: What qualities that your ex(es) were missing would you like in a new partner?

If you can’t think of any, then why did you get a divorce? To be realistic, there are certainly things that you would change, you just have to be honest with yourself about what they are. People who exemplify these hidden qualities are the ones that you want to focus on. This exercise is necessary because, as with No. 1, we often find it difficult to change unhealthy behaviors if we don’t have some analysis of the mistakes we’re making. That’s true with anything, not just dating.

3. When on dates with new people, try to focus first on the intellectual attraction.

Yes, attraction is still important after the divorce papers are final, but it isn’t the first thing you should be interested in. Physical attraction can come in many forms, but if you look at every failed relationship you’ve had, it becomes apparent that this trait isn’t everything. Try to focus on people based on intellectual attraction. If you can build that connection, the physical will often come.

How were you able to break free from “dating types” after divorce? Sound off in the comments section.


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