Some controversy surrounds whether or not you should try to maintain a friendship after divorce. A lot people seem to think all that history means you can’t be friends with your ex. It’s true that you have to be a big person when it comes to emotional maturity, but staying friends is definitely not impossible following a divorce settlement.
There’s a good chance that you can leave on a positive note with an ex and maintain friendship after divorce without too much effort. Just don’t overthink things too much. Check out these tips to help you stay friends:
You don’t have to jump right out of your intimate relationship into a friendship with your ex. You both probably need to let a little time pass before you see each other with any frequency. Letting a little time pass is probably just what you need to foster a better, long-term friendship.
So you ended things on a positive note, try and keep that momentum. You know this person very well most likely, and they know you. There’s a reason why you came together and a reason why you’ve chose to maintain friendship after divorce. A positive mental attitude is everything right now. If you can manage to maintain it, you’ll have no problem maintaining the new friendship too.
You broke up. You should talk about it enough to get closure and to understand why things didn’t work out, and why they wouldn’t work out if you tried again. Beyond that, there’s no reason to dwell on the divorce settlement or any other aspect of the split. What’s done is done. Leave it in the past.
Reigniting those love feelings is something you want to avoid if you’re truly interested in staying friends. For the most part, you should maintain friendship after divorce to keep your social circles intact, so hanging out as a pair only should be a no-no. Remember this is your friend, not your friend with benefits. Don’t devalue each other as people just because it feels good once in a while.
Don’t be that person who has a shot of Patron and finds themselves across the table from their ex in some smokey dive spilling their guts. You should be completely over them and the romantic side of the relationship you had with them, otherwise you should repeat number 1.
Your ex is the plague to you. Hand holding, long hugs, and kisses on the check can all send wrong messages to your ex. It’s too easy and comfortable to fall into the arms of the familiar. This can cause serious confusion and chaos in your new friendship and your heart. Why put yourself through that for a few momentary feel-goods?
While the two of you may have been joined by constant texts in the past, that is exactly what it is…past. Limiting your communication will ensure you have things to talk about when you do interact and see one another. In this time of moving on and learning to be apart, constant communication can blur your goals.
Sometimes an ex can be a part of your comfort zone since you know each other so well. They’re not your practice grounds or someone you can just play with anytime you feel like it. Flirting sends the wrong signals in this situation, so avoid it. Remember, plague.
We all know where these kinds of things lead. Flirting, physical contact, and talking about the good ol’ days are dangerous grounds for a healing heart and fragile emotions. Give yourself a break and focus on creating new memories and experiences.
Your ex is going to move on eventually and much of that will probably exclude you. It’s highly possible that you’ll hear things or know when they go on their first date post-you. It is inevitable, and you’ve got to be okay with it. There’s a reason, or maybe multiple reasons, things didn’t work out with the two of you. You both deserve the chance to move on. Let yourself, and let your ex go peacefully.
They’re finally out of your hair! They’ve moved on to be happy with someone else. If you’re unhappy, that’s on you. Get out there and change it. There’s no need to sit around and sulk about your ex when you have a new life to make!
We know all of this is a little easier said than done. It really depends on the length and depth of your relationship among several other factors. If you find yourself forgetting why you wanted to stay friends, consider reflecting on those reasons.
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