As a twice-married father, I’m in a situation not every person, who’s been through the divorce forms process, will be able to relate to. Still, I’m hoping that some of you will be able to shed some light.
My divorce happened several years ago. I’ve moved on and am happily married to a very wonderful woman. Together, we have one child, who is still in the infant stage.
I have a real issue with ever telling my daughter that I was married before her mother. For starters, I don’t see how it is relevant. Her mom and dad are happy and in love and completely devoted to her. Even if we weren’t and, God forbid, we ever got divorced, my first marriage still doesn’t seem like it would matter.
Secondly, I’m concerned about the stigma of what having a divorced parent might mean for her confidence in future relationships. I don’t want her to think divorce is an option unless she has no choice in the matter. That sort of echoes my first marital experience. My ex-wife cheated on me and was unwilling to work through problems in counseling, not that I’m convinced it would have done any good.
I would have never filed the divorce papers but felt like I had no choice at that point and as conflict goes, it was a relatively pain-free uncontested divorce. But to this day, I have a problem with the fact I was divorced — call it religious influence in my upbringing, the fact I’m the only divorced person in the family, or just a general refusal to embrace failure, but the shame factor is still there.
My wife and I have discussed it, and I’ve flatly refused to ever mention it unless I have no other option. But is that the best course of action? Is there something I’m missing — something that might cause more harm to her by not knowing?
How would you/have you handled discussing past relationships/marriages with your kids?
Share your thoughts in our comments section.
Comments are closed.
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