Lisa Arends, in a recent piece for Huffington Post, described her experience with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after finding herself unexpectedly signing divorce papers.
“When my husband left, I trembled for a year,” she writes. “That’s not just some figurative language used to convey emotion; I literally shook. For a year. My body quaked from the aftershocks of the sudden trauma, my legs constantly kicking and my hands quivering. Those weren’t my only symptoms, either. I had flashbacks and nightmares that took me back to the day where I received the text that ended my marriage.”
Arends said the message was 21 words in length and read: “I am sorry to be such a coward leaving you this way but I am leaving you and leaving the state.”
“From then on,” she adds, “the sound of an incoming message would actually send me to the floor, where I braced myself for another digital attack. I felt numb and had trouble remembering aspects of my marriage or my husband. I avoided sights and sounds that were associated with my marriage, often driving well out of my way to steer clear of my old neighborhood. I couldn’t sleep; I was hyper alert, always scanning every room and ready to fight or flee at any moment. I could not eat and my weight fell to dangerous levels.”
PTSD And Divorce: A Reality
Arends stated that she did not mean to trivialize PTSD experienced by soldiers but makes the case that finalizing divorce forms can lead to the disorder nonetheless. And she’s right.
While it’s not a given that all filers will end up suffering from PTSD, it’s a reality that needs to be taken seriously.
When you’re in a marriage, you want to put your heart and soul into it. Naturally, that makes you vulnerable. When the system that you’ve placed so much of your faith in fails, it can lay the groundwork for this dreaded disorder and result in a number of challenging obstacles to future happiness.
PTSD sufferers are more likely to battle substance abuse and depression, two factors that may contribute heavily to relationship problems, and making it difficult to connect with other people.
It’s a real problem with neuroscience to back it up. It’s not, ask one ignorant evangelist recently said, something that can be overcome by being a stronger faith practitioner. Can faith give one hope and strength to deal with the fallout of PTSD?
Certainly. But it doesn’t change the reality of the changes the brain may undergo when it experiences a life trauma, such as fighting in battle or losing someone you love in a car accident.
What Can Be Done About It?
Start by recognizing that it’s a real issue. Give yourself permission to experience it, regardless of how severe the trauma. Don’t suppress it. Talk to your doctor about what you are experiencing and see what forms of treatment are available.
Don’t listen to the skewed logic that it’s “all in your head” or the “get over it” mindset that too many in today’s culture propagate.
Take it seriously, and don’t let it continue to have a hold on your life. More importantly, don’t let others pigeonhole you into that line of thinking.
At iDivorceForms, we offer help to couples who are on the verge of filing for an online divorce. If you and your partner are ready, we can get you started today.
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